RWBYverse Riffs
by RemnantRose
Summary: Yang traps Azure and other RWBY characters in a room with nothing but bad fanfiction and their scathing tongues. Let's see what happens. (Based off of Mystery Science Theater 3000) Rated M for fanfics with smut and lemon.
1. Riff 1a: Ruby Discovers Futa: Prologue

A/N: So! Mystery Science Theater+RWBY+Fanfiction= Good idea, right?! For those of you who don't know what Mystery Science Theater 3000 is, it's an old TV show that had a guy sit in a space station and comment on old movies. But like, really funny. Anyway, I've held you up long enough; let's get this show on the road!

*A figure enters a classroom at Beacon*

 **Azure Helios: Hello?**

*The TV at the front of the classroom lights up, displaying Yang Xiao Long*

 **Yang: BOO!**

 **Azure: *sigh* Yang, why am I here?**

 **Yang: You'll see. There are two others coming, and I don't wanna explain it three times.**

 **Azure: *shrug* Fine, as long as they don't take too long.**

*Blake Belladonna walks into the room*

 **Blake: Azure. Yang. Why am I here?**

 **Azure: *Shrug* Beats me. Yang said she'd explain when one more person gets here.**

*Enter Ruby Rose*

 **Ruby: Hey guys! Why are you here?**

 **Blake: Yang was just about to explain.**

*All three sit down*

 **Yang: Alright. Have any of you ever seen Mystery Dust Theater 3000?**

*All three nod*

 **Yang: Well, I thought we'd do that, but with fanfiction!**

 **Azure: *eyes widening* Yang, no!**

*The classroom doors slam shut and lock*

 **Yang: Yang yes!**

 **Blake: *Groan***

 **Azure: *grumbling***

 **Ruby: Um, so what're we reading, sis?**

 **Yang: *grin* Oh, you'll like this! It's called "Ruby Discovers Futa"!**

 **Azure: *pales* Oh god no.**

 **Yang: Too late! It's already starting!**

*Buzz*

 **All: We've got a story sign!**

Glynda sighed as she viewed the holocasts weather predictions.

 **Blake: It had stolen her apostrophe again.**

 **Azure: I'm leaving if all you're gonna do is complain about grammar.**

 **Ruby: But the doors are locked!**

 **Azure: *sigh* I know, Rubes.**

The next week called for snow and freezing temperatures, this in addition to the current week's start of six feet of snow in both Vale and Beacon Academy,

 **Azure: How the hell does that much snow even fall so quickly?**

 **Blake: Perhaps Weiss' family was experimenting with freeze Dust again.**

effectively putting Vale into hibernation

 **Ruby: Pfft.**

 **Azure: You just imagined Vale as a big sleeping Ursa, didn't you?**

 **Ruby: It's cute!**

as the residents chose to wait out the storm.

Ozpin, unfortunately for Glynda's sake, thought it best to do the exact same thing.

"Ozpin, with all due respect..."

 **Azure: "Your tie is crooked."**

 **Blake: Weak.**

 **Azure: It's my first time!**

Glynda began, turning from the holo-screen to face Ozpin, who was sitting at his desk, calmly sipping on a mug of hot coffee.

 **Azure: Why is it that fanfiction writers always make him a coffee addict?**

 **Ruby: Well, he does seem glued to that mug every time I've seen him.**

"Yes, Glynda?" Ozpin responded, setting his mug down on the desk to give Glynda his full attention.

Glynda fidgeted with collar

 **Blake: She had dropped a word down it.**

temporarily before setting her hands at her side. "Why not have the students dig Beacon out of this blizzard?"

 **Azure: Ignore ALL the child labor laws!**

Glynda fidgeted in place again as she continued, "We wouldn't be stuck here, and the students that need to return home for the winter could safely leave during the evening when the skies are clearer."

 **Blake: If the skies aren't clear, then how could they leave?**

 **Azure: Imaaaginaaaattiion.**

Ozpin paused, thinking Glynda's words over. "While you do make a excellent

 **Azure and Blake: *facepalm***

case, Glynda, I'm afraid Beacon needs to stay put.

 **Ruby: "Cancel the giant bulldozer."**

Sure, we could use the students to dig out the school, giving them a great example of teamwork and group effort-"

 **Azure: "Or we could just launch them into the Forest again."**

 **Blake: "But my charges are already too big. I'm already going to prison for life."**

Ozpin paused again, taking a long sip from his mug, setting it back down again before he resumed speaking.

"-but at the risk of the students quite literally _making out_

 **Ruby:...**

 **Azure: *snicker***

in the spring term. And you and I both know making out will be the _tamest_ thing to expect from children at these ages, sheltered from outside contact, and stuck with people of both the same and opposite sex for prolonged periods of time..."

 **Ruby: *furious blushing***

 **Azure: *bursts into laughter***

 **Blake: *smirk***

Glynda nervously gulped as metaphorical images flew across her brain. Blushing, she nodded.

 **Azure: "So... Are you coming to visit, or...?" *smacked by Ruby***

 **Ruby: THAT'S OUR HEADMASTERS!**

 **Azure: Worth it.**

"But Ozpin, you do realize a good portion of our female students are more...aggressive in certain areas?" Glynda cautiously worded, trying to skirt around a delicate subject.

 **Ruby:...**

 **Azure: Oh, now it's getting good. I wish I had a video camera.**

Ozpin grinned as a list of names and pictures appeared behind him.

 **Blake: "This is the list of who I've killed."**

"I most certainly do, Glyna. If you look behind me,

 **Azure: Pretty sure she's already looking, if the screen is big enough.**

you can see I've kept a "eye" of sorts on these special students of ours, including one Miss CinderFall,

 **Ruby: CinderFall, the notorious superhero!**

be she in disguise or not."

 **Azure: Hold on. They know Cinder's in the school. They've locked the school down for an undetermined amount of time, and they're just letting her roam around?!**

 **Ruby: Seems that way.**

 **Azure: *facepalm***

Glynda shuddered. "The only name not on the list besides my own is-"

"Ruby Rose." Ozpin finished.

 **Ruby: *pales***

 **Azure: Oh, this is gonna be GOOD.**

"Glynda, have classes cancelled for the next two weeks,

 **Ruby: TWO WEEKS?!**

and all students remain inside Beacon Academy until told otherwise."

 **Blake: They're either missing a "tell" or a "have".**

 **Azure: You're just gonna keep pointing that out, aren't you?**

 **Blake: I quit when he does.**

Ozpin took another swig from his mug,

 **Azure: See? Addicted.**

before standing to leave. "You know Glynda, my quarters is always open if you need somewhere to rest." He mentioned as he walked out of the room.

 **Azure: Can someone pick up the phone?**

 **Ruby: Why? There's no phones around.**

 **Azure: Because I FUCKING CALLED IT!**

 **Ruby: Eep!**

Yang Xiao Long boringly

 **Azure: Is that a word?**

 **Blake: Let's pretend.**

stared out the window, watching the snow fall from inside her shared room with the rest of Team RWBY. "Being stuck at Beacon for the week was not at all what I had planned."

 **Azure: Oh trust me, it's better than whatever you did have planned.**

"That makes two of us." Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee chimed in at the same time, quickly shooting the other a glare of contempt before laughing.

 **Azure: There's something I never thought I'd see. *smacked by Blake***

 **Ruby: I'm sure it could happen, given enough time.**

Weiss lay in bed, the sheets wrapped around her as she read through both a light novel and a detailed manual on running a corporation.

 **Ruby: At the same time?**

 **Blake: Impressive.**

Blake preferred to be without sheets as she sketched in a large private artbook.

 **Azure: What kind of 'private'? *eyebrow waggle* *punched by Blake***

Yang turned back to look at the laughing duo. "What's got you two mortal rivals giggling like schoolgirls?"

 **Ruby: Maybe because they** _ **are**_ **schoolgirls**?

Weiss rolled her eyes as she ignored Yang's joke. "Har har har, Yang's humor hits dead center again." She commented bluntly.

 **Azure: Oh come on, it wasn't** _ **that**_ **bad.**

Yang laughed. "Oh come on, my humor isn't _that_ bad."

 **Azure:...**

 **Blake: It's scary how good you are at that.**

Blake flattened her cat ears, having removed her bow earlier as her ears were hot.

 **Blake: My ears are hot during a blizzard?**

 **Ruby: Any excuse to see them!**

 **Blake: You just think they're cute.**

 **Ruby: Yup!**

"Actually...it is. Some new material wouldn't hurt either. No harm meant, Yang."

 **Blake: Well, her puns can get a bit annoying...**

 **Yang (from TV): Hey!**

Yang waved off Blake's comment. "Ah, you're right. I suppose I've finally run out of jokes, or I'm at least scraping the bottom of the barrel.

 **Azure: Knowing her, I'm surprised** _ **that**_ **wasn't a pun.**

But where to get new humor from..." She mused, starting to pace on the floor.

 **Ruby: As opposed to the ceiling.**

Yang's train of thought was interrupted as the intercom in the halls rang through the open doorway.

 **Azure: Why would they keep their door open?**

 **Ruby: Well, why not?**

 **Azure: It just seems weird...**

 _"To all students: Due to resulting inclement conditions surrounding Vale_

 **Azure: Okay, seriously, how is there a blizzard surrounding the entirety of Vale?**

 **Blake: To give this story some flimsy legs to stand on.**

 _and Beacon Academy, classes and all extra-curricular activities_

 **Azure: Oh, don't worry. They'll be doing plenty of 'extracurricular activities'. *eyebrow waggle***

 _have been suspended for two weeks, or until the snowstorm lets up. Recommended Curfew has been extended to midnight, and the gym, spa, and food hall are now open 24/7 to all qualifying students. Thank you, and stay safe."_

 **Azure: What's the occasion?**

 **Blake: Arousal.**

As soon as the announcement ended, Yang rushed to door, quickly closing the entrance to Team RWBY's room. She noticed Pyrrha of Team JNPR do likewise with Nora behind her.

 **Ruby: I have a sickening feeling they're going to be in this too...**

"Ladies, do you know what this means?"

 **Azure: "We can stay up playing video games!"**

Yang excitedly asked as she watched a visible bulge appear underneath Weiss' sheets and Blake's art book raise itself off her lap.

 **Blake: *blushes and scowls***

 **Ruby: *hides behind cloak***

 **Azure: Wow Blake. You must be getting** _ **really**_ **hard for it to be able to raise a book. *dodges swing by Blake***

Blake and Weiss both blushed.

 **Blake: Gee, I WONDER WHY.**

 **Azure: Kitty likes to scratch! Mrawr!**

"Two weeks of hiding from everyone for fear of being called a freak?" Weiss cowered.

 **Azure: Okay, if everyone in the school except Ruby and Goodwitch have dicks, I'm pretty sure they'd know about it.**

"Two weeks of torture having to look at sweaty women and unable to do anything about it?" Blake added.

 **Azure: *looks at Blake* *raises eyebrow***

 **Blake: *snarls* *flips off Azure***

Yang sighed at her comrades lack of enthusiasm.

 **Blake: They wanted to take the apostrophes out of everything!**

Yang grinned triumphantly. "It means these two weeks are our heaven sent mating season!"

 **All: *facepalm***

 **Ruby:** _ **That's**_ **what we're going with? Mating season?!**

Weiss and Blake both cowered again at the prospect of a mating season.

 **Blake: As we should**!

Yang groaned in frustration as she threw her jacket off, pitching her scarf on the desk across the room.

 **Azure: "Who needs clothes?!"**

"Alright, apparently nobody gave either of you the third gender talk.

 **Ruby: Uh, the what now?**

On my bed, now. Ruby's making cookies, so we've got time for a quick explanation of how things work."

 **Ruby: Yay! Cookies!**

 **Azure: Can you bake, Rubes?**

 **Ruby: I dabble.**

Author's Note: Because nobody thought a Ruby x Futa!Harem would be a good idea, here we are. It's a horrible thing, right?

 **Ruby and Blake: Yes!**

 **Azure: Well... *smacked by both girls***

Nah, I'm kidding. If you have any suggestions on the other ladies _equipment specifications_ , send me a PM.

 **Ruby and Blake:...**

 **Azure: "Step right up! Give your suggestions on what a lady's penis should look like, and it might show up in the book!"**

Up next: -Chapter One: Ladybug-

 **Azure: Sorry story, we're done for now.**

 **Blake:** _ **Thankfully**_ **.**

 **Yang: So how was it?**

 **Ruby: Oy vey.**

 **Blake: Pretty bad.**

 **Azure: Meh.**

 **Yang: Great! Good to hear it! Now you're free to go!**

*The classroom doors unlock and swing open*

 **Azure: Where'd you get this technology, Yang?**

 **Yang: I know a guy.**

 **Azure: Can I meet him?**

 **Yang: Nope.**

*Yang presses a button, and the TV turns off with a blip*

 **Azure: Well that was fun.**

 **Blake: It was certainly something.**

 **Ruby: I'd do it again, if it wasn't something like... That.**

 **Azure: Oh don't worry. I have a feeling we'll be back here soon...**

The trio exit, and the door swings shut behind them.


	2. Riff 1b: Ruby Discovers Futa: Chapter 1

*Azure is shown walking into the same room as the first riff*

 **Azure: That TV better be off...**

*Azure walks over to the large TV and checks it, making sure it's turned off*

 **Azure: Well, I hopefully don't have to worry about that. So why am I here?**

*Blake walks in* *Both look at each other, freezing up before relaxing*

 **Blake: Well, as long as Ruby doesn't show up, we should be-**

*Ruby bursts through the door, which slams shut behind her*

 **Blake: -fine.**

 **Ruby: Sorry I'm late, I had to- *stops upon seeing Azure and Blake* Oh dang it. Not again.**

*The TV flickers to life*

 **Yang: You bet again!**

*The trio groan*

 **Azure: Yang, why?**

 **Yang: 'Cuz it's fun!**

 **Blake: This is the exact opposite of fun.**

 **Yang: You'll learn to love it. Now come on, Ruby Discovers Futa Chapter 1 awaits!**

*Buzz*

 **All: We've got a story sign!**

"Tum-tum-ta-tum, carryin' a plate of Ruby's best cookies~"

 **Azure: You wanna try singin' that for us, Rubes?**

 **Ruby: *clears throat* SCREEEAAAAHH!**

 **Azure: Nice.**

Ruby Rose sang as she carried a plate of freshly baked cookies down the hall to her team's common room.

 **Blake: When did our team take over the common room? And why?**

 **Ruby: Yeah, taking over stuff is more Nora's thing.**

Suddenly, a loud moan rang out from behind the closed door.

 **Blake: Oh boy.**

 **Azure: And so it begins.**

"Guys? Are you in trouble?" Ruby asked.

 **Ruby: I'm proud of story me!**

 **Azure: You won't be for much longer.**

No response.

 **Blake: Gee, I wonder why.**

"Alright, I'm coming in!" Ruby declared, quickly swiping her scroll against the locking mechanism.

 **Azure: "Who needs privacy?!"**

Upon barging in, cookies in hand, Ruby saw a sight that she couldn't understand.

 **Azure: 'ERROR 404. DOES NOT COMPUTE. EXPLAIN. EXPLAIN. EXXPPPLLAAAAAAAAAAAIN'.**

What Ruby saw was a sight too lewd for her own young eyes.

 **Blake: *Covers Ruby's young eyes***

 **Ruby: Hey!**

Yang, Blake and Weiss were a singular mesh of bodies,

 **Azure: Oh God it's the human centipede!**

 **Blake: Or something out of a nuclear fallout.**

Blake rhythmically gyrating in Yang's lap while Weiss remained at Blake's groin, her head slowly bobbing up and down.

 **Blake and Ruby:...**

 **Azure:... Kinky.**

"Ahh..." Ruby said, unable to fully comprehend anything.

 **Ruby: Ahh...**

 **Azure: *Waves hand in Ruby's face* C'mon Rubes, we're only twelve sentences in. Don't break on us yet.**

"AH!" All three of the now startled girls said,

 **Azure: You heard her say she was coming in!**

Blake quickly wrapping herself around Yang like a startled cat,

 **Azure and Ruby: *snickering***

 **Blake: I will murder you a thousand times.**

while Weiss wrapped bedsheets around her body.

It now occurred to Ruby that her teammates were nude.

 **All: NO, REALLY?!**

"WAAAAHAA! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt anything! I'm such a bad leader..."

 **Azure: *Hugs Ruby* It's not true...**

 **Ruby: Um, Azure? You can let go now...**

 **Blake: *snaps photo with scroll***

Ruby was unable to finish her sentence as Blake slid free from Yang with a loud "pop",

 **Azure: Nope, I got nothing. That's brilliant.**

 **Blake: *Indignant sputtering***

silently landing on the floor in front of Ruby in her fully nude body.

 **Ruby: "Like what you see?"**

 **Blake: RUBY ROSE!**

 **Azure: Atta girl!**

Attached to said body, as Ruby unfortunately noticed,

 **Azure: "Was her head. She'd have to make a cleaner cut next time."**

was a...extra appendage of the male persuasion.

 **Azure: *cough*penis*cough***

Ruby stuttered. "And and a-and why do you have a male part?

 **Azure: *COUGH*PENIS*COUGH***

Girls don't get those. Unless they do..." She trailed off, confused by the possible combination of potential genetics.

 **Blake: The likely combination of probable genetics.**

 **Azure: The redundant redundant of redundancy.**

"Yang, Weiss, leave us." Blake uttered without looking back at them.

 **Azure: Why does Blake suddenly get first dibs?**

 **Blake: *shrug* Because plot.**

Yang quickly grabbed Weiss. "C'mon Snowpea, let's go make pea soup."

 **Ruby: BOOOOOO!**

Weiss audibly sighed as Yang dragged her off the bed. "That wasn't even remotely funny."

 **All: Agreed.**

Yang grinned in response. "Yeah, but you liked it."

 **Azure: The audience didn't.**

The pair exited the room, clothed in towels and robes with their street clothes in hand as they made a break for the common bathrooms at the other end of the hall.

 **Azure: RUN, MAGGOTS!**

Once they were alone, Blake sat on the bed, patting the space next to her as Ruby hesitantly sat down.

 **Blake: "So... You read any good books recently?"**

"Ruby, I know you're nervous..." Blake started.

 **Ruby: And the understatement of the century award goes to...**

"And confused and scared and wondering how in the world all of you have those and oh yeah, slightly freaking- MMPH?!"

 **Azure: Hush, my child.**

 **Ruby: That was really creepy.**

 **Azure: Eh. I'm just waiting for the lemon to start. That's when the real jokes come.**

Ruby rushed, a mixture of confusion, and arousal playing around in her mind.

 **Blake: She also thought there was an unnecessary comma bouncing around in there.**

Blake silenced Ruby as she kissed her on the lips.

 **Azure: Oh wow, fanfiction cliché number eight, 'Silenced with a kiss'!**

 **Ruby: It's really rare to see one in the wild!**

 **Blake: Grab your cameras!**

Ruby blushed as Blake pulled away. "Uh...thanks. I think." She muttered, brushing her hair out of her face.

 **Ruby: *Brushes hair out of face***

 **Blake: *shrugs***

"Don't mention it." Blake flashed a toothy grin.

 **Azure: SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!**

Ruby could see that the thing between Blake's legs was lengthening again.

 **Azure: Call. It. A. PENIS!**

 **Blake: Euphemisms really annoy you, don't they?**

It looked olive colored, with thin little barbs at the tip, which was itself a shade darker than the rest of her member.

 **Blake: Glad that that image is permanently imbedded into my brain.**

 **Ruby: *Frantically shaking head* BAD IMAGE GO AWAY!**

 **Azure: It's got barbs? Owww...**

"So uh...it that..."

 **Azure: It that?**

 **Blake: It that.**

Ruby asked, in half awe, half disbelief that A, her team member had hid this thing for so long, and B, lived with a thingy attached to her.

 **Azure: *facepalms* If you're gonna use euphemisms, at least use some other than 'thingy'!**

"Natural? I was born with it.

 **Azure: How?**

Yang's is natural as well...

 **Azure: HOW?**

Weiss' is...experimental." Blake answered.

 **Azure: WHAT?!**

"Experimental?" Ruby questioned at mention of the word.

"She added Dust to it. It's like her weapon, and it creates a very bright light show. You can even see it through skin and clothes if it's bright enough."

 **All:...**

 **Azure: PFFFHAHAHAHAHA!**

 **Blake: *cringe***

 **Ruby: *giggles***

Blake replied, cringing at the last sentence, her cat ears folding flat.

 **Azure: Y'know, sometimes these authors get your characters wrong, and sometimes they get them very, very right.**

Ruby pondered on the last words, until the visual image hit her.

 **Ruby: *gags***

 **Azure: Uh, Yang, did you give us a bucket or something?**

 **Yang (From TV): Trash can's in the corner.**

"Ewww...that's weird. And yet oddly Weiss, too."

 **Azure: You know what, she has a point.**

 **Blake: *ponders, then nods***

Blake smiled. "I'm glad someone understands my point of view for once."

Ruby chuckled. "Well, as leader, I have to."

 **Azure: Why do I have a feeling that that phrase is going to be coming up a lot more often?**

"Is it real?" Ruby asked,

 **Blake: "After a paragraph break."**

touching the tip gently as she ran her fingers over the flesh.

 **Azure: *cringes* I don't like the word flesh in this context. Makes me think of zombies.**

Blake shuddered. "Y-yes.." She hissed as Ruby's warm, soft, _oh Faunus,_

 **Blake: *violent hissing***

 **Azure: *Astonished laugh* What?**

fingers played on her member. If it was possible to get harder than her previous state, Blake felt like she was on cloud nine.

 **Azure: Those two statements are unrelated.**

'Maybe Yang was right. Perhaps this is meant to be a mating season. Let's test the waters.'

 **Ruby: LET'S NOT.**

 **Azure: It's cute how you think the story cares about our feelings.**

Blake innerly mused to herself, suppressing a moan as Ruby ran her hand down Blake's rod.

 **Azure: *twitch***

 **Blake: Euphemisms finally getting to you?**

 **Azure: Shut up!**

Ruby noticed Blake's contorted face. "Does it hurt?" She asked.

 **Ruby: I'm not dumb!**

 **Azure: Story you is.**

Blake relaxed herself. "No, it feels...soothing, actually."

 **Blake: Gee, I wonder why.**

 **Azure: I feel like we'll be saying that a lot.**

Ruby blushed, unsure of what to do. "So, uh...now what? I mean, we can't leave you like this...or can we? I don't know. Do you want a cookie? I baked them myself." She asked, changing the subject.

 **Azure: Sex? Naw, that's overrated. Cookies though, cookies are the shit.**

 **Blake: Why do I feel like the author's about to ruin cookies for me?**

 **Ruby: If he makes me hate my second favorite food, I will end him.**

Blake grinned again, this time with a sultry touch as she cut her eyes at Ruby.

 **Azure: *throws up***

 **Blake: I didn't think you'd be the first to heave.**

 **Azure: Eye injury really gets me.**

"Cookie first, then you get completely undressed."

 **Ruby: As is the natural progression of things.**

Ruby blushed. "But...but..." She stuttered. 'I've never had sex before. Do I know what I'm getting into?' Ruby thought to herself.

 **Azure: Well, obviously not. You're a virgin, and you're about to get plowed by every dick in the school, female or otherwise.**

Blake put a finger to Ruby's lips as she took a cookie off of the plate. "Shh. Cookie."

 **Ruby: I'm fine if we just stick to cookies for now.**

 **Azure: It's cute that you still have hope.**

Ruby sighed. "Okay..." She remarked as she removed her outfit as Blake studied her body while eating her deliciously chocolatey filled cookie.

 **Azure: Damn, Blake really likes that cookie.**

 **Blake: Why does it say I studied her body? Is it going to be on the test?**

 **Ruby: "Alright, please label patch of freckles #15."**

'I wonder if Ruby's still a virgin...' Blake inwardly contemplated.

 **Azure: Do you honestly think Yang would have let her been deflowered yet, story Blake?**

Upon Ruby's removal of her undergarments, which she somehow got tangled in, Blake noticed the young girl's rather perky backside.

 **Ruby: *Blushes furiously***

 **Azure: If you're going where I think you're going...**

'Hmm...decisions...' Blake struggled to think as she was torn between Ruby's cherry or her strawberry.

 **Azure: BLAKE. NO.**

 **Blake: She's saying it as though she's deciding what flavor bagel she wants.**

Blake quickly pulled Ruby into a hug, her member rubbing Ruby's damp sex

 **Azure: *twitch* *twitch***

as the pair fell back into bed, half a cookie still in Blake's mouth.

 **Blake: Y'know, with the way I was devouring it, you'd think there wouldn't be any left.**

Ruby slowly turned around to find herself laying on top of Blake, staring back into the former White Fang member's

 **Blake: *twitch***

 **Azure: Still a sore subject?**

 **Ruby: We're getting there.**

eyes as the girl began to rub her member against Ruby's flower

 **Azure: You know what, it's not even worth it.**

slowly, causing Ruby to whine in pleasure.

 **Ruby: *whines like a dog***

 **Azure: That was _scary_ accurate.**

"It's so warm and soft.., and or cat-like!" She moaned aloud, not realizing what she had said.

 **Azure: Well is it and cat-like, or or cat-like?**

 **Blake: IT'S. NEITHER.**

 **Ruby: The story says it is.**

The rubbing ceased aburptidly.

 **Blake: I'm sorry, but what?**

 **Ruby: I think the story had a seizure.**

Ruby opened her eyes to see a unamused Blake glaring back at her with a piece of a cookie in her mouth.

 **Blake: Still focused on that cookie.**

 **Azure: That cookie's our lifeline. As soon as it's gone, the smut begins.**

Ruby happily bit on the other end, and the two of them ate the sweet desert until they were kissing, their lips a brown mess of chocolate and crumbs.

 **Azure: DAMMIT.**

 **Ruby: Rest in Peace, cookie. I knew you well.**

 **Blake: Speaking from experience, kissing someone with food in your mouth is a very uncomfortable experience.**

The rubbing continued slowly as Blake sawed her entire length from her tip to her hips on Ruby's sex.

 **Azure: Alright, now we're getting serious.**

 **Ruby: *Groans***

Shifting her hips upwards, Blake kissed Ruby deeper as the tip of her member went inside Ruby's opening, causing the younger's girl's eyes to fly wide open.

 **Azure: We have penetration! Repeat, we have penetration!**

 **Blake: We're done now, right?**

 **Azure: Not even close.**

Hugging her closer, Blake gave a few short thrusts as her member hit something solid.

 **Ruby: "Captain, she's built a brick wall! We can't move past!"**

 _'And that'd be her hymen.'_ Blake realized as Ruby cried into her shoulder from both pain and pleasure.

 **Ruby: *cringes***

 **Azure: Who's shoulder? The way that's worded, that could be either of theirs.**

 **Blake: I'd assume mine, but you never know.**

Pulling her hips back, Blake gave a single deep thrust as she hilted herself in Ruby, tearing through the girl's barrier as Ruby screamed aloud, Blake feeling the blood trickle past her member.

 **Both girls: *wince***

 **Azure: Okay, I don't know much about sex, but I'm pretty sure that would hurt like a bitch.**

Ruby suddenly clenched around Blake,

 **Blake: "Snapping her dick off."**

 **Azure: *wince* OW!**

causing a heightened sense of pleasure for both parties as Ruby's orgasm set in, coming in rapid, steady, massaging, waves as Blake felt her own release nearing.

 **Azure: "Blake became a surfer."**

 **Ruby: "She fell off a wave. 0/10."**

Blake growled as she felt her orgasm boil within herself.

 **Blake: *wince* OW.**

 **Azure: I'm pretty sure an orgasm isn't supposed to boil.**

Pulling back until just the tip was inside Ruby, Blake hilted herself again as the barbs on the tip of her member sprang outward, clinging onto Ruby's walls

 **Azure: Because it's a magical dick, I can do whatever I want with it!**

 **Ruby: *wince* Ow...**

as Blake's cock locked itself into place a few centimeters shy of Ruby's cervix.

 **Azure: Wait, so is just the tip in, or is she a few centimeters shy? You can't have both!**

 **Blake: Unless Ruby's anatomy is seriously messed up.**

Ruby continued to orgasm as she felt Blake's member lock into place, twitching and flexing with anticipation like a angry cat's tail.

 **Blake: I'M NOT PURE CAT!**

 **Azure: Doesn't mean the story will stop.**

"You know, this isn't-" Ruby began, but froze upon feeling Blake's orgasm.

 **Azure: "It was made of liquid nitrogen."**

 **Ruby: I think it goes without saying now, but OOWWW.**

"Half bad?" She finished hesitantly.

 **Ruby: Story me is right. IT'S ALL BAD.**

Blake moaned as three days of pent up seed travelled out her member at breakneck speed,

 **Azure: Only three days? And it's this much?! Damn woman, you can pump out seed! *Slapped by Blake***

each shot making Ruby jump as it forceful slammed into her cervix,

 **Both females: OW!**

some semen bringing to trickle past Blake's still pulsing cock. The rest pooled in Ruby's womb as she felt her belly swell just a little bit outwards, like when she eaten too many sweets at that one holiday party.

 **All: *eyes widen***

 **Azure: Jesus Christ, that's a lot of sperm!**

 **Blake: *nods slowly***

 **Ruby: *barfs***

Blake whined as more sperm came shooting out of her member in a final loaded burst,

 **All: MORE?!**

coating the rest of Ruby's canal a pearly white.

 **Azure: Good to know that Blake's sperm is the color of pearls.**

The barbs retracted from her cock as Blake pulled out, a loud "pop" coming from Ruby as she adjusted from being full to being empty.

 **Azure: We're really going with that?! Vaginas do not 'pop', author!**

Ruby, on a high from her prolonged orgasm, lazily glanced down at her groin, noting the abundance of Blake's seed. "Well, youz made it snow, Blakey~" Ruby drunkly giggled from the afterglow of sex.

 **Azure: PFFFHAHAHAHAHA!**

 **Blake: *snicker***

 **Ruby:...What?**

Blake let Ruby fall into her arms as the younger girl dozed. "Mhmm. It's snowing, Ruby. All over Beacon, and all over you."

 **Azure: *falls over laughing***

 **Blake: Why? Why must you write me like this?**

 **Author's Note:** If you have requests, send them!

 **Ruby: Stop!**

 **Azure: Keep going!**

Review or PM, for who you'd like to see tap lil' Ruby! Any female member of the RWBY series can be used with the exception of Glyna and Yang's mother. The latter option may change if I get more info.

 **Blake: Yang's... Mother? How does the author know Yang's mother?**

 **Azure:... Hey look story!**

As you have also noticed, Blake does not merely have a member.

 **Blake: No, really.**

Nor do any of the other girls merely have just a member. Some of them are tied to their Semblance, other tied to their personality, and others are...well, some are like Weiss, and they're out there.

 **Ruby: Can't wait...**

So, if you have any suggestions on a girl's equipment, drop a review or PM. (For example, Pyrrha, due to her magnetic semblance, could make her member vibrate.)

 **Azure: So, would her dick be metal?**

 **Blake: Azure, no.**

Up next: -Ladybug, Part 2-

 **Blake and Ruby: Oh, goody.**

 **Azure: We're outta here.**

 **Yang: So...?**

 **Ruby: Bleh.**

 **Blake: *shrug***

 **Azure: It actually wasn't that bad.**

 **Blake: Well, it is only the first chapter...**

 **Azure: Well, I'll just never come into this room again!**

 **Ruby: But you have classes here...**

 **Azure:...Yang, open the doors.**

 **Yang: Aye aye, captain!**

*The doors unlock and swing open*

 **Ruby: See ya guys! *dashes out of room***

 **Blake: See you later, hopefully without a riff. *Exits***

 **Azure: *Glances at TV* Yang, please at least a break.**

 **Yang: No promises!**

*A groan is heard as Yang presses a button, turning the TV off with a blip*


	3. Riff 1c: Ruby Discovers Futa: Chapter 2

*Blake cautiously walks into the classroom*

 **Blake: If that Xiao Long locks me in here again, I swear I'll...**

*The door swings shut behind her*

 **Blake: What?! But I'm...**

*She then notices Azure and Ruby lounging around*

 **Blake: Oh.**

 **Azure: Great! The gang's all here! Now we can die together!**

*The TV flickers to life*

 **Yang (From TV): Hey! Don't quote me without my permission!**

 **Azure: Bite me!**

 **Yang: Maybe I will!**

 **Azure: Better than reading some dumb futa fic!**

 **Yang: Aw, you love me.**

 **Azure: *sigh* Let's just get it over with. You guys ready?**

 **Blake: As I'll ever be...**

 **Ruby: Yay...**

 **Yang: That's the spirit!**

*Buzz*

 **All: We've got a story sign!**

Ruby felt herself jolt awake as her head rose from the soft confines of Blake's warm body.

 **Azure: Oh right. That happened.**

 **Ruby: Eugh.**

Blake grinned as Ruby took in the surroundings, her silver eyes heavy with valium as the now nude girl struggled to come to terms with what had just occurred a few moments ago.

 **Azure: As I recall, she's been nude for a while now, hasn't she?**

 **Blake: Ever since the cookie disappeared.**

 **Azure: Then why call her 'now-nude'? It makes it sound like she had stripped the paragraph before!**

Ruby shook her head, her hair scattering about as she tried to make sense of everything.

 **Ruby: "Why is there a polar bear in here?"**

 **Blake: "You throw some awesome parties."**

"D-Did we just have...s-s-s..." Ruby confusedly trailed off, unable to say the word sex as it remained stuck to her tongue.

 **Azure: SEX SEX SEX SEX.**

 **Ruby: Why'd you do that?**

 **Azure: To prove I'm manlier than you.**

 **Ruby: It didn't work. Sex.**

 **Azure: Dammit.**

Blake gently stroked Ruby's black and red hair, sensing the stirrings of a erection in her groin as her member prepared for round two.

 **Blake: Considering how much I did last time, there's no way I'd already be raring to go.**

 **Azure: Maybe aura enhances your stamina.**

"Sex?" The Faunus finished for the young Huntress in training.

 **Ruby: First of all, that should be hyphenated. Second of all, SEX IS NOT THAT HARD TO SAY!**

"We did, just like how the snow is still falling outdoors." Blake saw Ruby's eyes widen as the wheels began to spin in her mind.

 **Azure: Here we go again!**

 **Blake: Oh Dust.**

 **Ruby: Yay...**

With a confident smirk, Ruby crawled up onto Blake, her eyes locking with Blake's golden orbs as Ruby began to blush.

 **Azure: You'd think Ruby'd be a sub.**

 **Blake: She does kill soulless monsters for a living.**

 **Ruby: Why are we talking about this?!**

"Blake...", Ruby gulped for air as she continued,

 **Blake: "I forgot to put the comma inside the quotes again".**

"I want you to feel like how I felt. I want you...I want you to feel pleasure!" Ruby demanded as Blake felt both her feline ears and cock stiffen.

 **Blake: *Facepalm***

 **Azure: *Uncontrollable laughter***

 **Ruby: *Groans***

 _'Does Ruby know about my fetish? About how I want her to run her mouth over every inch of me?'_

 **Azure: *Stares at Blake and licks his lips***

 **Blake: *Punches Azure***

Blake's thoughts raced as a blush slowly crept over her face. "Uh, sure Ruby..." Blake slowly responded, turning her head away to keep Ruby from seeing her embarrassed face.

 **Ruby: Why is she embarrassed? She's the one who roped me into this, so if I do this, we play by my rules!**

Ruby watched as Blake turned her head away, but chalking it up to nerves, Ruby asked, "Uh...is there anywhere I should start?"

 **Azure: "Spread 'em." *Smacked by everyone***

Blake said nothing as she spread her legs,

 **Azure:...**

 **Blake: *slow clap***

while Ruby moved to the foot of the bed, now able to fully take in Blake's figure without being overly freaked out by her extra addition.

 **Ruby: Why aren't I freaking out again, exactly?**

 **Azure: The lemon demands it!**

 **Blake: Not the lemons! My eyes! THEY BURN!**

 **Azure: That's just the fic.**

Tracing a finger along Blake's inner thigh, Ruby studiously examined the underside of Blake's hardened cock,

 **Azure: "It would be on the test."**

her index and middle fingers following the curve of the member to where the girl's rod joined her feminine sex,

 **Azure: *twitch***

 **Blake: Get used to it.**

her two fingers gently tugging at a outer lip so Ruby could see Blake's little puffy flower.

 **Ruby: *Vomits***

 **Azure: Should it be puffy? That makes it sound like she's infected with something.**

 **Ruby: *Vomits harder***

Blake bit her lips as Ruby continued to nonchalantly prod and poke at her snatch,

 **Ruby: "What does this button do?"**

 **Azure: _"Self Destruct initiated._ "**

the younger girl thoroughly exploring every nook and cranny she had to offer.

 **Azure: Well, at least she's thorough. *Brained by Blake***

Fighting off the urge to close her legs around Ruby's head and grind herself on her teammate until she was sated,

 **All: *Cringe***

 **Blake: That sounds... Extremely uncomfortable.**

 **Ruby: Blargh.**

 **Azure: Dust, that wording! Could you at least try to make it less... Painful?**

as Blake's tender rosebud flexed and twitched with each breath the older raven haired girl took,

 **Azure: Wait a second...**

 **Ruby: Yes?**

 **Azure: I just realized you're _both_ underage in this. Oh Fuck.**

 **Yang (From TV): Language!**

the small puckered orifice begging, if it actually had a voice, for Ruby to ravage it.

 **Blake: That's... More then a little disturbing...**

 **Ruby: BAD IMAGE GO AWAY!**

For the silent and charming Blake Belladonna however, Ruby Rose had different plans.

 **Azure: "She grabbed the whip from the closet."**

 **Blake: At the rate the story is currently going, I wouldn't be surprised.**

Things were going to go much more slowly, at a... _controllable_ pace

 **Blake: "So they wouldn't lose their comma."**

so that neither she nor Blake would lose themselves to their lust this time, unlike their previous blurred encounter which had felt Ruby feeling like a leaky faucet,

 **Azure: Why is a blurred encounter feeling Ruby?**

 **Ruby: And why do I feel so violated because of it?**

if faucets actually leaked half a pint of white ooze regularly.

 **Blake: *vomits***

 **Ruby: *Steals back the bucket***

 **Azure: Alright! Three for three!**

Ruby breathed on Blake's inner thighs, smirking to herself as Blake covered her now fully reddened face with a pillow.

 **Ruby: "She tried to suffocate herself to escape the fic."**

Ruby experimentally kissed Blake's left thigh, tenderly nibbling on the soft but taut skin

 **Blake: Glad to know my thighs are muscley.**

 **Azure: Never skip leg day.**

as she slowly ran her kisses towards the intersection of her legs,

 **Ruby: "But she stopped at the red light."**

 **Azure: If only...**

suddenly switching to trail kisses and nibbles up along Blake's right thigh, stopping at the center of the raven haired girl's hips.

 **Azure: The author really likes calling you raven haired girl, doesn't he?**

 **Ruby: It does seem overused...**

 **Blake: It's better than just 'Faunus'.**

"Blake..." Ruby cutely inquired, "can I get you to lie on your stomach for me? This next part requires a...proper angle of approach."

 **Ruby: *Furious blushing***

 **Blake: *Slightly less furious blushing***

 **Azure: _Damn_ , Rubes. You are a _nympho_.**

Blake removed the pillow from her head temporarily to shift herself onto her stomach, sultrily wiggling her butt to entice Ruby.

 **Blake: *slowly sinks down in her seat***

 **Azure: _Shake ya ass, watch yourself! Shake ya ass, show me whatcha workin with!_**

 **Ruby: That's a song?!**

Hesitantly gripping both of the poles

 **Azure: *puerile giggle***

of the bunk bed with her hands, if Blake felt her guess was correct, this was going to be a long, slow, and near torturous session for her.

 **Ruby: "She had to stare at the cookies for hours. _Without_ eating them!"**

 **Azure: "The horror!"**

And yet somehow in the back of her mind she enjoyed the prospect of it.

 **Blake: Trust me, I most certainly do not.**

Ruby took a breath as she licked her lips thoroughly, doing the best she could get them as well lubricated as possible.

 **Azure: *Groan***

 **Ruby: Ech.**

Putting a hand on each of Blake's warm and soft cheeks,

 **Ruby: *Squishes Blake's face* I actually think they're kinda cold...**

 **Blake: *Bats Ruby's hands away* Wrong cheeks.**

Ruby spread the cushions as she found the small hole still awaiting her, twitching with the slightest bit of need.

 **Azure: DUST DAMMIT!**

 **Blake: Oh... Oh no...**

Lowering her head, Ruby ran her tongue around the orifice,

 **Azure: *cringes extremely hard***

with the faint taste of licorice on her brain

 **Both girls: I'm sorry, WHAT?!**

 **Azure: *Falls over laughing* Fucking licorice-flavored! Oh my Dust that's hilarious! *Doubles over with laughter***

as she continued her efforts, the audible purring now coming from Blake a sign to continue.

 **Blake: I'M NOT PURE CAT!**

 **Azure: The fandom seems to think you are.**

Ruby redoubled her efforts as she pressed her mouth against Blake's tush

 **Azure: *snicker* I can't decide whether to love or hate this wording.**

the tip of her tongue now pressing inwards on Blake's anus

 **Blake: *Eyes shut tightly* NOPE NOPE NOPE.**

as it slowly wriggled into the somewhat licorice flavored cavern,

 **Azure: Fuckin' licorice-flavored.**

Ruby running her tongue around the inside ring to provide lubrication.

 **Azure: I've now decided I hate that word.**

 **Ruby: You do remember that we use it like, every day in weapon maintenance, right?**

 **Azure: Blargh.**

Blake was unable to suppress the purring

 **Blake: *Sharply raises fist, then slowly lowers it***

that emanated from her throat as Ruby lapped at her rosebud,

 **Azure: What the fuck kind of euphemism is 'rosebud'?**

her cock twitching against the bedsheets as she felt a trickle of fluids pool in her flower,

 **Ruby: What's stopping it from overflowing?**

 **Blake: The reason.**

the heat beginning to build as Ruby continued with her act.

 **Blake... "Of felony."**

Briefly pulling up for air, Ruby confidently basked in the trail of saliva connected from her mouth to Blake's ass.

 **Azure: "For some reason, she then began praying to it."**

 **Ruby: If anything even remotely like that happens, I want you both to slap me. Extremely hard.**

 **Azure: Kinky. *Dodges swing from Ruby***

What she did not expect was for Blake to shift herself so Ruby now laid on her back,

 **Blake: "And then piledrive her."**

 **Azure: TKO!**

Blake scooting backwards to position her bum over Ruby's mouth

 **Azure: TARGET LOCKED ON. PREPARE TO FIRE!**

as the redhead

 **Ruby: It's actually black with crimson number 6.**

notified her reaction to this sequence of events with a somewhat startled yelp,

 **Blake: "She filed it under 'Y'."**

only for Blake to promptly press her butt to Ruby's open mouth,

 **Azure: Well okay then.**

 **Ruby: This is by far the bluntest smut I've ever read.**

 **Azure: What other smut have you read?**

 **Ruby: *Glances at Blake***

 **Azure: OH.**

the younger girl quickly learning Blake wanted more oral pleasure.

 **Blake: No, really? Never would've guessed.**

Running her tongue over Blake's wet flower up to her perky rosebud,

 **Azure: Blech.**

 **Blake: Why are you this bothered? At least they're not saying 'cavern'.**

 **Azure: BLECH.**

Ruby mentally made a note of the somewhat different tastes between the two.

 **Azure: She has a surprisingly focused mind for being IN THE MIDDLE OF INTERCOURSE.**

Licking more at the bitter tart flower and then at the mildly sweet anus,

 **Ruby: *vomits***

 **Blake: *Scrunches up face***

 **Azure:... What? WHAT?**

Blake slowly ground herself into Ruby's face, a quick tap on her hips letting her pull off so Ruby could get a breath of air before she went down again.

 **Ruby: No, no, we're all fine with her suffocating.**

As Blake descended on Ruby's face for a third time, she felt the girl pull her lips apart,

 **Azure: "Ripping her face off."**

 **Blake: WHOA, Azure!**

 **Azure: *Thumbs up***

her tongue trying to wiggle it's way inside her, succeeding as the slippery invader penetrated

 **All: *shudder***

 **Ruby: I feel unclean.**

 **Azure: Get used to it.**

when Blake cried aloud, "There! Oh, there! Stay!" Blake had a split second of clarity as she added, "Please."

 **Azure: Oh, thank DUST she said please. I don't know what we would have done otherwise!**

 **Blake: Probably nothing.**

Ruby rolled her eyes from underneath Blake's ass.

 **Ruby: As is the norm around here.**

 _'A little common courtesy never hurt anyone, Blake. Sheesh.'_

 **Azure: YOU ARE LITERALLY EATING HER OUT!**

 **Blake: The pausing is making this one smut scene go incredibly sluggishly.**

She mentally bemoaned as she continued to assault Blake's now flooding pussy,

 **Ruby: "She had to get a lifeboat to survive."**

her tongue flicking across the exposed nub of Blake's clit,

 **All: *Slight twitch***

the Faunus now moaning as Ruby flicked the nub again to garner a reaction,

 **Blake: "But nothing happened. She had added to much magnesium."**

 **Azure: "AUTHORS NOTE; tHAT WAS A CHEMISTRY JOKE IF YOU DO NOT GET IT LOOK IT UP ON WIKIPED!"**

again producing a near cat like mewl from Blake's mouth.

 **Azure and Ruby: *Glance at Blake***

 **Blake: It's not even worth it anymore.**

Ruby's eyes sparkled as a devilish idea came to mind.

 **Azure: *Pounding on desk* SACRI-FICE! SACRI-FICE!**

Blake began to pant as she felt Ruby flick her tongue over her clit,

 **Ruby: In all honesty, this is just dragged out at this point.**

 **Blake: When it comes to smut, that's truly saying something.**

this time running around the nub to lavish and savor the exposed happy button,

 **Azure: *Facedesks***

 **Blake: Is your hatred of euphemisms really that strong?**

 **Azure: 'Happy Button' and 'Joy Buzzer' are the worst.**

before quickly flicking it rapidly like a three year old fascinated by a light switch,

 **Azure: Aw, lil three-year-old Rubes wants to know what the button does!**

 **Ruby: Azure, that's really weird in this context.**

 **Azure: Since when am I not weird?**

 **Ruby:... Fair point.**

prompting Blake to squeeze her legs around Ruby's torso in an effort to not yet orgasm,

 **Ruby: "Crushing her lungs."**

her steeled member already blotting with pre-cum as she could feel herself near the edge of a female orgasm, and a violent one at that.

 **Azure: Why are the orgasms separate? You'd think the stimulation would affect both regions.**

 **Ruby: *Starts whistling 'Edge of Glory'***

What Blake wasn't prepared for was the touch of Ruby's fingers going into her ass

 **All: BLECH!**

as her tongue delved into her vagina, the dual sensations of pleasure driving the final gate open as Blake arched her back in pleasure she felt waves of release cascade through her,

 **Blake: It seems author's grammar gets worse during the orgasm.**

 **Azure: Why?**

 **Blake: This is missing at least a comma and a full stop.**

plastering Ruby's face with sexual juices

 **Ruby: *retches***

 **Azure: Wow, how much did you eat today?**

as her spasming flower unleashed a torrent of liquid onto Ruby's open mouth,

 **Azure: *facedesks***

effectively shocking and pleasing her younger compatriot.

 **Ruby: I know about the former, but I'm not so sure about the latter.**

Blake lifted herself off Ruby as the younger girl lay there, panting for breath.

 **Blake: Can we have a break?**

 **Azure: Indubitably.**

 **Yang: So, according to this 'So you wanna be a Riffmaster' book,**

 **Azure: THERE'S A BOOK ON THAT?!**

 **Yang: It says I'm supposed to ask how you're doin' during breaks. So, how are you all holdin' up?**

 **Ruby: *Groans***

 **Blake: *Hisses***

 **Azure: *Sighs***

 **Yang: Aw c'mon guys, buck up! You've already made it through two-thirds of the chapter!**

 **Azure: Whoop-de-fucking-do.**

 **Blake: Forgive us for withholding our enthusiasm.**

 **Ruby: We still have more?!**

 **All: *Groan***

Crossing her legs, her elbows on resting on her knees,

 **Azure: Sitting like a true lady, I see.**

 **Blake: Quite.**

Blake couldn't help but both admire Ruby's capacity for sexual pleasure as well as her rather remarkable lung capacity.

 **Ruby: *Blushes and hides behind cloak***

 **Azure: Y'know what, let's just take it as a compliment.**

Then again, the girl had screamed her head off slicing a Nevermore head clean off it's body, and had a perfectly fine voice right after.

 **Azure: That is true. How'd you manage that one?**

 **Ruby: Um... I uh... Yell a lot.**

 **Azure: Weiss healed it?**

 **Ruby: *sigh* Yeah.**

Blake's steeled member was still throbbing with desire,

 **Blake: "And was part of her new cyborg body."**

and with Ruby still breathing in air fast as she could go,

 **Azure: _Gotta go fast!_**

Blake was given a little moment of self-indulgence to herself. _"I haven't done this since I was with the White Fang and Adam."_ She mused as her tongue coated her lips in saliva.

 **Blake: This is implying something, isn't it?**

 **Ruby: I think s-**

 **Blake: *shoots the TV***

 **Azure and Ruby: *Jumps***

 **Azure: Jesus Fuck, Blake!**

 **Blake: Sorry, needed to get that out. Let's continue.**

Hooking her arms behind her kneecaps, Blake pushed her back against the wall, bending her midsection inwards so her lower half of her body, and her cock, could meet her mouth.

 **Azure: *Stands up and walks away* NOPE. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE.**

 **Blake: I hate this Dust-damn story.**

 **Ruby: But... But... WHERE ARE YOUR RIBS?!**

Straining forward, Blake accepted her member as the tip pushed past her lips, an inch or two more following that as it was sinking into her warm, wet, delectable mouth.

 **Azure (From other side of room): ONE OR TWO INCHES?!**

 **Ruby: Were all those adjectives really necessary?**

 **Blake: Without them, the world would explode.**

Blake ran her tongue around her own flesh, enjoying the small spurts of precum that trickled into the back of her mouth like a sporadic hose.

 **Azure (Sitting back down): You writers really like precum, don't you?**

 **Blake: You've calmed down, I see.**

 **Azure: It helps to punch a wall a bit.**

She moaned around her sex, her hips pulling the member backwards as her tongue tickled the opening of her cock, causing more precum to gush forth.

 **Azure: And I'm suddenly tempted to leave again.**

Blake closed her eyes in bliss as she hummed around her member.

 **Ruby: Ugh, this is taking forever.**

 **Azure: Honestly. This ENTIRE chapter is a long-winded smut scene.**

And then, as soon as the pleasure had begun, it stopped.

 **Blake: Thankfully.**

And started again, as Blake noted,

 **Blake: Noooo.**

 **Ruby: Did you really think it would end that easily?**

 **Blake: A girl can dream, Ruby.**

but not in her mouth. What Blake instead found was that her legs had pulled down into the bed,

 **Azure: "Well golly gee, when did that happen?"**

and that Ruby was now, despite struggling, choking, gagging, and having an unsteady rhythm, sucking and bobbing on Blake's cock.

 **Blake: *Pulls out a lighter***

 **Ruby: Blake! No!**

 **Blake: THIS SHOULD BE BURNED IN THE FLAMES OF THE UNDERWORLD!**

 **Azure: Seconded. That sentence should never be read.**

If Blake had been more alert and this had been a normal day, and she was not under the effects of both valium and in the afterglow of a impressive orgasm,

 **Azure: Some very specific conditions.**

 **Ruby: We're unlucky they all happened.**

she probably would have forced Ruby off, ran to the bathroom, and hid until she had quieted down.

 **Azure: Wait, what? Why?**

 **Blake: That... Kinda came out of left field.**

 **Azure: I mean, yeah sure, you'd be embarrassed at first, but right now isn't at first, and you've already shown Ruby every inch of you! Why worry after two orgasms?**

 **Ruby: Oh no! It's a writer's second-worst enemy! Mood whiplash!**

However, Blake instead gently stroked Ruby's hair, her fingers trailing along the back of her head to touch Ruby's neck.

 **Ruby: *Shudders***

 **Blake: *Grabs Azure's hand* Don't even think about it.**

 **Azure: *Pouts***

"Easy, Ruby. B-Be gentle..." Blake cautioned, already nearing the edge of an orgasm.

 **Azure: Bull.**

 **Ruby: Why?**

 **Azure: Did you see all those derogatory terms the author gave Ruby's BJ? There's no way someone with so little experience could give a nympho like Blake pleasure in such a short amount of time!**

 **Blake: Wow. You really like ranting.**

 **Azure: FAULTY LOGIC HURTS ME!**

She could feel the familiar tightening and tension in her pelvis, her member twitching as Ruby pulled off the member to ravish the head with her tongue.

 **Blake: And after 45 seconds, Ruby has become an expert in fellatio!**

 **Azure: *Punches a wall* HE USED 'MEMBER' TWICE IN THE SAME DAMN SENTENCE!**

Blake gripped the bed tightly as she felt the oncoming rush of blood and semen rush into her cock,

 **All: Blegh.**

the hardened flesh pulsing with Blake's heartbeat as Ruby plunged her down as far as she could go, taking a full three quarters of Blake's cock into her mouth

 **Azure: You know what? I'll give it to her. That is decently impressive.**

as Blake felt her member touch the back of Ruby's throat, the barbs not springing outwards.

 **Blake: This will be on the test.**

 **Ruby: Teacher? What are we learning here?**

 **Azure: "How to mess with people's heads 101"**

With a single gulp of Ruby's mouth, Blake shook her head left and right as she could feel the impending orgasm shoot out of her,

 **Azure: "NO! Bad orgasm!"**

the barbs on her member loosely clinging to Ruby's mouth. Ruby swallowed down the first large mouthful,

 **Ruby: Ew.**

then the second,

 **Blake: EW.**

then the third,

 **Azure: _EW._**

and even a fourth and fifth one

 **All: _EEEWWWW!_**

as Blake cried out, moaning as more sperm came out of her.

 **Azure: It's not even worth noting the ungodly amount of semen this woman pumps out anymore.**

 **Ruby: Yeah, there's no way I'm not pregnant by the end of this fic.**

Once the massive jets of Blake's cum ceased to a small trickle, Ruby pulled off, a trail of cum connecting her lips to Blake's member.

 **Ruby: *Vomits***

 **Azure: Me next, please.**

Blake, who had gone soft from what felt like Ruby nearly milking her dry with mouth,

 **Blake: No, REALLY?!**

sprang again to half strength as Blake shifted in bed to lay on her left side,

 **Azure: WHAT IS FATIGUE?!**

facing Yang's bed, as Ruby laid down in front of her, staring back into Blake's amber eyes with eyes of silver,

 **Blake: Missing full stop.**

 **Azure: Haven't had one of those in a while.**

 **Blake: It's the little things.**

The pair shared a sloppy kiss as Ruby inserted her tongue into Blake's mouth, Blake tasting her seed for the first time as it swirled on her taste buds.

 **All: Bull.**

 **Azure: If you've sucked yourself off before, you've definitely tasted your sperm before.**

A thick, but runny, texture with hints of mint and evergreen were present as well as a rather odd bubblegum like quality.

 **Blake and Ruby: *Look expectantly at Azure***

 **Azure: *Sigh* Now the author's screwed-up taste buds are just endearing, to be honest.**

Ruby broke away as she grinned back at Blake. "Well, it's your turn Blake, what next?"

 **Azure: NOTHING. I _refuse_ to believe she can keep going.**

 **Ruby: If you want to stay sane during this stuff, you've gotta let go of all known facts.**

She rather cheerfully responded, rubbing her damp flower against Blake's hardening member.

 **Azure: *Bangs head against wall* I REFUSE!**

 **Ruby: That can not be healthy.**

 **Blake: Let him have his fun. He's suffered enough.**

Blake's cheeks blushed a shade of red. "Ruby..." She began, stopping as she found her words failing her.

 **Azure: "I ate all the Zebra Cakes."**

 **Ruby: "I'm actually part panther."**

 **Blake: "I'm dating your sister."**

Ruby titled her head in curiosity.

 **Blake: Since when was Ruby a small dog?**

"Have you ever experienced pleasure of the...anal persuasion?" Blake blushed as she asked Ruby her question.

 **Azure: *Punching the TV* NO! NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!**

 **Blake: Gonna go out on a limb and say Azure doesn't like anal.**

 **Azure: FUCK. THAT.**

Ruby gave her a blank stare. "Um, no, not really. Wait, you mean...in my butt?" She asked confused about the word "anal".

 **All: *Groan***

 **Ruby: I mean, a sprinkle of naïveté is okay, but I'm not clueless!**

Blake nodded. "If you're uncomfortable, I can..."

 **Azure: "Stop."**

 **Ruby: Please be uncomfortable! Please!**

As Blake tried to reassure her, Ruby turned over to face the wall, adjusting herself so she could properly align with Blake.

 **Azure: *Sighs* AAAAGGGHH!**

 **Ruby: NO! I WOULD NEVER AGREE TO THIS!**

Blake stopped speaking and gasped as Ruby rubbed her dry rosebud against Blake's dripping wet member,

 **Blake: "The difference in climates caused a tropical storm to pop up!"**

 **Ruby: "The snowstorm melted and everyone got to go home!"**

 **Azure: I am seriously surprised the story didn't manage to break you yet.**

already trying to back up against her. "That didn't take long." Blake commented as she placed a hand on Ruby's hip.

 **Blake: Agreed.**

 **Ruby: That went way too fast.**

 **Azure: Logic, this fic has not.**

Ruby grinned to herself. "Well, you're already slickened up, so you just need to go in and make me more...slippery.

 **Azure: Worst. Slip n' Slide. EVER.**

 **Ruby: I don't even want to think about what that implies.**

So it's...easier, I guess." She commented, still rubbing her anus against Blake's solid member,

 **Blake: "Completely missing a full stop."**

 **Azure: It's sad when your smut has become so repetitive that all we can comment on is the grammar.**

Blake sighed. "Ruby, I understand your enthusiasm, but I need you to relax first."

 **Ruby: "Meditation is an art, not a chore."**

 **Blake: If we're making connections between smut and meditation, something is quite clearly wrong.**

What interrupted both of the was the door opening to reveal a soaked, white, and shocked Weiss Schnee.

 **Azure: WELL THEN.**

 **Blake: SUDDENLY, CUM-COVERED WEISS!**

 **Ruby: That whiplash was so fast I felt my neck snap.**

"Blake…." she called. "Yang said first dibs on Ruby."

 **Yang (From TV): NO I DIDN'T!**

 **Azure: bet you it takes Yang two chapters to bang her.**

 **Blake: I say three.**

 **Yang:... I hate you guys.**

 **Azure: Oh, we are going to be _malicious_ towards you.**

Blake did not respond with words, but rather with a firm swat to Ruby's bottom.

 **Ruby: The fact that that statement has been typed just... Breaks my mind.**

 **Azure: Welcome to rock bottom, my I take your coat?**

Weiss sighed and pinched her hand over her temples. Today was going to be a long day, she could feel it.

 **Blake: Trust me, we _all_ can.**

 **Azure: This better not go on for much longer or I'm gonna lose it.**

Still, Ruby on the bed...naked besides Blake…

 **Ruby: Besides Blake what? What did she do?**

Ruby couldn't believe her eyes as she saw the blue phallic bulge begin to raise itself from underneath Weiss's skirt.

 **Azure: AAAAND THAT'S MY CUE! WE'RE OUT! NOPE!**

 **Yang: So how was it?**

 **All: Uuuuugghh.**

 **Azure: The whole scene was just one dragged-out lemon! Seriously, she orgasmed 3 times in one chapter!**

 **Blake: Agreed. This chapter went on much longer than it needed to.**

 **Ruby: And I don't think we have to mention how screwed-up the premise still is.**

 **Yang: Don't worry, there's only two chapters left!**

 **Azure: ONLY?!**

 **Yang: Yeah, yeah, it seems long, but it'll fly by. Trust me!**

 **Blake: *Sigh* If you say so, I suppose.**

 **Yang: Yeah! It'll be great! Until then- Wait. Ice queen?**

 **Weiss (Distantly): Yeah?**

 **Yang: Are you trying to cook again?**

 **Weiss (Distantly):... No?**

 **Yang: Shoot, I gotta go, bye!**

 ***Yang runs offscreen while the classroom doors unlock and swing open***

 **Azure: Well then.**

 **Blake: Indeed.**

 **Ruby: We should probably get going. The last time Weiss tried to cook, we had to use up nearly her entire supply of Freeze Dust.**

 **Azure: You are definitely telling me that story sometime. Later!**

 **Ruby (Running out door): Bye!**

 ***Blake nods at Azure, then exits***

 ***Azure turns toward the TV***

 **Azure: Well shoot, she left this on. What do I do?**

 ***After thinking for a bit, Azure shrugs and pulls out his weapon, shooting the TV and causing it to turn off in a shower of sparks***


End file.
